I feel like this giant clock is in my life-- this ticking time bomb that is set to explode, and I am anticipating it in many ways, and also dreading it in others. The worst part-- I can never forget that this explosion is imminent, because the bomb is inside of me and protruding out of the front of me at every move. However, I wouldn't wish it away for the world, because if I were, I would be wishing away one of the greatest blessings in my life. My almost-born son.

As of today, I officially have 8 weeks and 4 days left till his due date on May 8. Crazy. Typically, modern obstetrics recommends induction or a caesarean at 41 weeks, so the greatest amount of time that I have is a little more than 9 weeks. In some ways this seems like forever and I long to feel my little ones soft and fuzzy head, to see if he is a blonde as I was when I was a child, or if he has his father's dark and curly hair (I hope.) I want to hold his little hand and see his father's soft brown eyes light up as he looks at the son that fulfills a decade-long wish to be a father. I long to turn my parents into the grandparents they are eagerly anticipating becoming-- to prove right my mother's predicitions that Noah really will be the cutest baby ever. I also wouldn't mind sleeping on my stomach and drinking coffee with impunity again.

However, our calendar for these last two months have already become filled with meetings, agendas and all sorts of tasks that a good part of me fears we won't be able to complete in time. First time parenting jitters are running rampant, I will freely admit. My rational mind knows that these new-parent fears are often far from the reality that I have learned over years of working with children in so many different capacities.

• We need to baby proof our home-- Ahhh-- there are so many dangers! The reality-- when Noah comes home to live with us, most of his days will be taken up with sleeping, eating and pooping. Considering he won't be able to roll over for much of our remaining stay in our current home, it isn't so vital that the stove guard be installed in the kitchen from day one.
• We need to buy a house before Noah comes along-- we want our baby to be raised with a yard! The reality-- Noah could care less if we are in an apartment or house for a few months after his birth. As long as he is warm and dry and his mommy and daddy who love him are there, that is all he cares about. This worry is also conveniently forgetting about the thousands of babies and small children in urban areas that live quite comfortably in apartment homes for their entire childhood. There is one real dilemma that I haven't answered though-- is it better to move at 8 months pregnant, or with a small infant?
• We still have so much to buy-- our registry list is huge and empty! The reality--We have many of the things that our baby will need already. My parents gifted us with the money for our crib and nursing chair, and Jim's dad gave us the money for our stroller and car seat. Many of the things on our list are non-essentials, or at least not vital for the first month after Noah is born, but will make life A LOT easier for us in the long run. Babies did fine for centuries without a Boppy-- no matter what the good people at Boppy try to tell you. I have also been blessed with the offer of my parents to throw us a shower in MI where I can see friends and family for more than 2 minutes during a holiday visit, as well as by Sara from our small group offering to throw a shower for us out here. I don't imagine that a great many people will come, since we have been in the church for less than a year, but just that they care about us enough to have a shower at all is wondrous.
• We are totally not ready for birth! Why did I ever decide to do natural birth?! The reality-- Tonight is the second of five classes that are proving very helpful in teaching breathing and other coping techniques. I have already been surprised by the effectiveness of the breathing techniques we have been learning on my Braxton Hicks contractions. Women have been giving birth without medicine for thousands of years. Our bodies do amazing (albeit painful-- thanks Eve) things during the process of labor it is up to me to allow and assist my body in doing what it needs to do to bring Noah into the outside world.
• Our lives will totally change! We'll never be able to go anywhere or do anything beyond 7 p.m. again! I'll never get any sleep, and my body will not be my own for at least a year! The reality-- As the commercial says, yes, "having a baby changes everything." But is the change for the better-- undoubtedly. To have a son that is mine, me combined with Jim, is an honor that I do not take lightly. We imagined, and I worried, that this might never happen for us. For us to decide to start trying, and to reach success so quickly, and just before the economic downturn that would have likely caused us to decide to wait, can't be a coincidence by any means. It is important for some reason for us to have this child, in this time, and we have only to guard and instruct this precious gift that God is entrusting to us, and to help Noah grow into who he is meant to be.